When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Everclear isn't food dammit
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize