She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
