i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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