This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
