Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
