it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
