I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
