can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
