His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The uberlube is also flammable
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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