Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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