She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
