that's an acceptable place to lick
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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