do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
