i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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