stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
