u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
is wine microwaveable?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
