respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
