I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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