i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
