it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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