Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
