Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
