Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
