shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
