I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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