im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
