yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This toilet bowl is my home.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
