The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
