I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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