does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize