He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
is wine microwaveable?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
