So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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