my mouth tastes like poor choices
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I love having hate sex.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize