"it" just moved
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
