I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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