Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
