Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
