You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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