Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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