I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
