It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
