So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
