I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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