Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's shark week go big or go home
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
