i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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