i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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