Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
