so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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