your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
