Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
