Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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