This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
