Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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