I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
