i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
