where am i from again
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
