I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
pop tarts are not kleenex
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize