I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
