New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
