ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
