I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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