dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
