Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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