I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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