im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
honey bunches of taint.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
you made out with another girl for some wings
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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