omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i think i have two assholes
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
