i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
