I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
