I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
