Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
