can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
