you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
