I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
